I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Randomize
