Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
