my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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