had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
