Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
