Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
