Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
