My hair reeks of homosexuality.
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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