What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Randomize
