You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
