i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I have aggressive nipples.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Randomize
