my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I pour the whiskey from now on
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
