I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
