Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
