I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
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