i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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