dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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