so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
