I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
