What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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