I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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