I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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