I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
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