I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
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