i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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