Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The feeling are messing with the penis
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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