My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
