I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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