***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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