you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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