well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
