OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize