the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
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