Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
