i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
