the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
