My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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