You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
