I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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