Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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