made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
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