Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
