Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
