Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
