____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
