i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
