This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
