A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize