I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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