becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
Randomize
