you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
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