Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
