I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
i was born a porn star she said
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Randomize
