Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize