In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
