Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
