you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
is that a dick in a sweater?
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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