Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
