I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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