i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
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