i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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