i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
