Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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