cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
