Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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